@ImaFlyontheWall: True...so damn true
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@JKNenagh: Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
@kwirkyKerri: I don't have a pet so I decided to adopt the spider living in the corner of my kitchen. Her name is Monique. I hope she isn't knocked up.
@PJTLynch: Announcer: "Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!" [crowd goes nuts] A: "Well too bad, here's Coldplay"
@TySmithdrums: I got hit by a car today, guys. Don't worry. I'm okay. It just grazed me, ripped my cargo pants pocket clean off, egg rolls everywhere.