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@GamepIay: True story.
@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream.
@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.
@dafloydsta: *whistles at dog*
DOG: I have a boyfriend
@rgay: I always say thank you to Alexa so that when the machines take over they know I am nice.
@F0ll0w_Me_L0ve: 911: What's your emergency?
Me: Do you think I'm pretty