@maggiemaymaybe: #truestory #puppylove #dogsonsofas
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@Home_Halfway: BREAKING: Pluto is once again a regular planet. "It was always huge & full sized!" said one dwarf planet scientist with a fake mustache.
@Home_Halfway: *KNOCK KNOCK* OPEN UP ITS THE POLICE "What do you want?" YOU'RE UNDER ARRES- "No." ..NO?? "No, I don't want to be." *whispers* Shit now what
@david8hughes: [in ambulance] "Sir, do you know your blood type?" "Yeah [coughs & points to wound] red."
@DaddyJew: *sees gf upset* Me: she looks mad, I should say something Brain: lol tell her she's overreacting Me: ok