@maggiemaymaybe: #truestory #puppylove #dogsonsofas
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@ItsMrWoody2U: Me: bless me father for I have sinned. Priest: how long since your last confession my son? Me: about 45 minutes ago...
@bazlyons: They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'
@YoungNobler: They should make custom Starbucks cards that say, "I wouldn't normally be buying your coffee, but I got this gift card."
@seamussaid: FIRST GUY TO RECEIVE A LETTER IN AN ENVELOPE: oh I get it she wrapped up a piece of paper in.... another piece of paper