@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
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@AndyAsAdjective: *accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*
@OutOnTheMoors: Friend showed me all the pics taken from the drone he got for Christmas, so I won't be renting the cottage on their farm after all.
@Sickayduh: ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?