@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
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@Thunderhunk3000: Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
@PinkCamoTO: Me: I know it hurts, but you'll learn to love again. Sheep: I don't know. I can't even look at ewe right now.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "How did your first day as a lifeguard go?" Me: "Amazingly well, thanks. Everyone was so friendly and waving at me."