@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
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@meganamram: If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends
@abhorrent_wife: All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.
@Sarcasticsapien: Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When you fell from a really high distance. Dating as an atheist is hard.