@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car? Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I've looked.
@BackrowSeats: This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep.
@AristotlesNZ: 9yo: *struggling for 10 mins trying to start peeling a banana* How do you get into these!? Yo, evolution: You missed one..