@Kyle_Lippert: "Trump is a good businessman" He has a failed steak biz, a failed vodka biz & failed casinos. HOW DO YOU SCREW UP STEAK, VODKA & GAMBLING
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@KKAlThani: "Dad, why did your generation find a fat guy singing in Korean & pretending to ride a horse entertaining?" "I don't know son, I don't know."
@david8hughes: "The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-" [Bowser spits coffee] "Which plumber?"
@trevso_electric: Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won't understand how many calories are in it.
@TheMichaelRock: My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend.