@meganamram: Trump is a plant by the NRA to make liberals want to shoot someone
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@bridger_w: If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die
@CourtneyBale: Guy Who Invented Figurative Speech: I've got something that'll blow your minds. Townspeople: *fleeing in abject terror*
@carlyken: If you can't handle my interpretive dance to November Rain than you don't deserve me doing splits on the hood of your car to Whitesnake.