@meganamram: Trump is a plant by the NRA to make liberals want to shoot someone
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@HairyJew4Life: Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
@reczit: I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement.
@Shade510: Me 5pm: Need to go easy on the booze tonight, have to function tomorrow. Me 1am: *twerking in a Denny's parking lot.