@randygdub: trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there's no one left to run GS and they go out of business
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@JoleenDoreen: When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, "Thumb War" is not the answer they were looking for.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Me: *delicately inserting plastic tassels to the ends of my handlebars* Motorcycle Instructor, shaking his head: only if you brought enough for the whole class
@darksidedeb: I accidentally dropped one of my husband's Viagra into my contact solution and now I'm cockeyed.