@rickygervais: Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need.
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@mooturkey: I used a fax machine today!! I also ran all the cotton thru the gin and plowed the field with my oxen while it finished dialing up.
@wittwitbarista: Him: let's play a game of rhyme. I'll go first. Romantic Me: Panic Him: Fun Me: Run Him: love Me: shove Him: this isn't going well. Me: hell
@envydatropic: If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol