@TheToddWilliams: Trumpy Cat
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@ericonederful: I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.
@matt___nelson: *walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please "Are you a cop?" No I love crime and tomfoolery "..." Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?
@TheAlexNevil: 5: Daddy, can we go get ice cream? Me: I don't see why not. 5: Mommy said I couldn't. M: Hey, there's the why not.