@MerriamWebster: Trust us: the feminine form of 'ghostbuster' is 'ghostbuster'.
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@BuckyIsotope: Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch an ounce of ganja Jack lit up and took a puff And Jill cuffed him. She was DEA. Jack died in prison.
@Brianhopecomedy: Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics.
@farleftcoast: For Christmas this year I'm going to pay my bills and look at pictures of Europe and cry.
@internetluke: [police show picture of my dead body at bottom of stairs to wife] "Why no pants on?" We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell