@MrSandeepP: Truthful Tuesday: If a rapper raps about how much money he has then I download his music for free.
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@malcolmsparks: Kids are so inquisitive. "Will robots ever take over the world?" Me: "Almost certainly." "But when? Before I die?" "A bit before, yes."
@iamspacegirl: [Drive-thru] CRONUS: Yes- I'll have the bucket of popcorn children Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir? CRONUS: omg what did I say
@CopBroughtPizza: i'm reading this thesaurus. it's really interesting, or should i say... very interesting.
@PaulyPeligroso: The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.