@brownbear952: Try and tell me about your cleanse and I will whip out my pocket bacon and eat it right in front of you.
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@SlappNuttz: My children have acquired a keen sense for knowing exactly when I'm about to forget them at a store.
@trevso_electric: Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
@internetluke: *hears robber in house* If anybody is there.. I have Updog & I'm not afraid to use it. "What's Updog?" Not too much haha you? "Robbing you"
@robdelaney: My wife went on a lot of roller coasters when she was pregnant with our daughter Katelyn, and you can tell :(