@Jenny4ashley: Try explaining to your kid why you're taking a bath with a cucumber then come talk to me about your problems.
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@CelebrityChez: My biggest regret is probably that time I let a guy dressed up as a hotdog give me a haircut.
@MelvinofYork: My wife bought me Costco underwear which I assume is the final line of defense against another woman wanting to have sex with me
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: Why aren't these documents attached together? ME: Sorry I couldn't find my...[suddenly forgets the word stapler]...desk crocodile
@hippieswordfish: boy they weren't kidding about cigarettes being addictive; I can't stop eating these things!!