@Jake_Vig: Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"
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@trevso_electric: I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
@Snarfernini: Quick! What's protocol for when he opens my car door for me and just shy of 7,000 Sonic straw wrappers fall out?
@GrantTanaka: son: I don't think he likes me wife: your dad just has a hard time showing affection me: [holding bag of doritos] GOD I LOVE DORITOS
@HomeProbably: I asked for the phonebook, my girlfriend called me an antique and gave me her phone. I don't care, the spider's dead.