@Jake_Vig: Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"
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@Carrie_Rachel: In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern.
@KalvinMacleod: DATE: so this is my dad and this is his porcelain cat collection ME: wow, I feel like I’m in a DATE: no ME: mewseum DAD: *nods his approval*
@JasonLastname: The best trick to ordering pizza is asking them not to cut it. By law, they can only charge you for one slice.
@Brampersandon_: [pharmacy] "Can I help you?" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*