@tastefactory: Try to imagine pugs living in the wild, just roaming in the forest in packs.
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: “If I die first, I want you to remarry.” Me: “Wow. Do you really hate me that much?”
@UncleDuke1969: The only highlight of a brutal moving day: Wife: "That's way too big to fit in the back door." 4 people in unison: "That's what she said!"
@VeggieMonger: My mother said that I looked "cheap" with my bra showing underneath my clothes - so I took my bra off.
@SukaBlunt: I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen