@BruceForce: Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut
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@AristotlesNZ: Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp" vs "I cashier at KFC"
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
@robdelaney: .@LAPD My wife made hazelnut "coffee" with my coffee maker. Send all available units.