@BruceForce: Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut
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@solomongeorgio: I was called a faggot by an angry homeless woman last night. I would've been offended but I was too busy living in a home.
@IRLPepperMD: [guy wearing a ski mask holds a gun to my head] "please go skiing with me I am so alone"
@iamk1ts: As confused as an atheist who's stuck behind a car that isn't moving at a green light & has a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you love God