@gigglegirlnoel: Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.
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@BringDaNoyz: *walks up to counter at funeral home* EMPLOYEE: Can I help you? ME: Hi, yes, I'll take one death, please.
@gojarbe: me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too
@OctoberJones: In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
@carlyken: Noah's Ark was so unrealistic. Have you ever tried to pen up velociraptors? Did the guy who wrote the Bible even watch Jurassic Park first?