@nbadag: [trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair]
so what do you do for a living
@JiminyKicksIt: I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it 'cuz it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
@garrettbarry70: 'Active' shower gel because I have no idea what active smells like.
@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
@sad_tree: When people say "You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!"
Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot.
@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics