@nbadag: [trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair]
so what do you do for a living
@Reverend_Scott: [sees cute girl jog by]
"Imma run up and ask her out"
[one block later still not caught up]
"Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"
@LoveNLunchmeat: I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.
@weismanjake: I wonder if celebrity couples have a list of 5 average citizens each of them are allowed to sleep with if they ever get the chance
@sara_ashlynn: I'm a long-term thinker. For instance, the green bananas I bought will be delicious in 2 days.
@davedittell: yeah, we r a non-traditional family. instead of naming our dog, we let him name us. I'm Woof, this is my husband Woof, & these r Woof & Woof