@nbadag: [trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair]
so what do you do for a living
@MakesYouGiggle: Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush.... and other days... I take my medication.
@exclaimeditor: Shoutout to headline writers, making their own fun.
@cynicuhl: My IQ? With google or without?
@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
@SocialExtortion: How to pick up women:
1-approach beautiful lady
2-bend at the knees
4-oh god she's screaming
5-put her down the cops are here