@nbadag: [trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair]
so what do you do for a living
@vladchoc: Don't want to get political on here but there's no such thing as "endless shrimp." Heads? Tails? Those are two VISIBLE ends THAT WE KNOW OF.
@chubbbypanda: I burned 1000 calories by lighting my arm on fire
@RaccoonPun: What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows.
@Jennabear32819: A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!
@noog: *playing Mortal Kombat*
Her: Can I try?
Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie?