@Sassafrantz: Trying to open a Capri Sun is the longest relationship I've had in 2015.
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@PlatinumShower: I just used "volumizing" shampoo for the first time.... Everything sounds the same.
@SirEviscerate: "What the hell happened to you?" I got tarred by an angry mob. "What about the feathers?" I hugged some ducks to feel better after.
@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.