@NicCageMatch: Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte.
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@NowAPisces: Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled "supplies!"
@Crutnacker: Obama: The Galaxy Note 7 wasn't recalled because it was too secure. Biden: Just let him enjoy my gift, Barack.
@simoncholland: Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.
@DurtMcHurtt: [family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN