@NicCageMatch: Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte.
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@msbtx: "Snitches get stitches," I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets.
@beefman138: I'm a Twitter guy who is married to a Facebook girl, so I don't understand how people of differing religions can't get along.
@chimneyspotter: DR: Are you sexually active? ME: Very DR: Eating donuts alone in your car doesn't count ME: Still yes DR: Neither do croissants ME: Then no
@turtledumplin: Someone on my FB posted a snap that said "I'm boared" And I'm just like....... *don't comment *don't comment *don't comment *don't comment