@Dawn_M_: Tsunamis are caused by dolphins breakdancing to celebrate passing another IQ test.
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@seamussaid: I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains
@Jake_Vig: "You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet." - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.
@rickolantern: Dear guy lighting bottle rocket fuses with a cigarette that's still in your mouth, You're going as a pirate for Halloween.
@theshamingofjay: A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.