@Dawn_M_: Tsunamis are caused by dolphins breakdancing to celebrate passing another IQ test.
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@jackmackenroth: I was out with my bf and a waiter called me a 'cradle robber' cuz he's 18 and I'm 43. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
@Reverend_Scott: Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he's got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road
@SassyTexasGal: Sees cute guy in the parking. Drops something so I can bend over & do the sexy hair flip. Forgets I have short hair. He sees me as seizing.