@Dawn_M_: Tsunamis are caused by dolphins breakdancing to celebrate passing another IQ test.
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@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
@animadvertguy: [Crime scene on set-your-clock-back-an-hour day] INVESTIGATOR 1: Time of death? INVESTIGATOR 2: [looks at microwave...then phone] uhhm hmm