@Dawn_M_: Tsunamis are caused by dolphins breakdancing to celebrate passing another IQ test.
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@Book_Krazy: Ok, Don't let them know you're an egg "Mr Yolk, you are 20 minutes late for this interview" [drags on cig] I was getting laid by a chick
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Your heavy drinking is making you delusional ME: *turns to friend* Do you think that's true? WOLVERINE: Nah, don't listen to her
@SuperRandomish: Fun prank: Just leave random "I'm sorry I hit your car" notes on people's cars and watch them look for a non existent dent.
@MissNaughty1801: CW:where are you going? Me:trying to prevent an awkward conversation between two people CW:who? Me:me and you