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@Michael_Erhart: *Tucks shirt in*
@AimByWhiskey: My home security system is a nerf sword by the door. My liquor cabinet has a retina scanner, 3 pit bulls & my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher.
@darrinfb: You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them.
@hippieswordfish: [calls wife] honey help
im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit
'ok just stop crying'
@Kyle_Lippert: "Trump is a good businessman" He has a failed steak biz, a failed vodka biz & failed casinos. HOW DO YOU SCREW UP STEAK, VODKA & GAMBLING
@Habbibti: A grand jury is made up of a cross-section of the community.
I ride the train w/the cross-section & it's mostly people peeing on the floor.