@better_off_dad: Turbulence is just God's little way of telling us we're NOT BIRDS.
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@dhumann: Psychiatrist: "Your check bounced and was returned for insufficient funds." Me: "So how does that make you feel?"
@TheToddWilliams: This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room.
@davidkenny100: "The first guy to suggest peeing on a jellyfish sting was called a pervert but it worked" I said to my wife as she complained of a toothache