@better_off_dad: Turbulence is just God's little way of telling us we're NOT BIRDS.
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@Mr_Kapowski: All my punishment tactics against my 8 year old were in vain until I threatened to transfer her most valued Pokémon to the Professor
@ChickenFrecklez: When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?
@goldengateblond: Just congratulated my ex on dating someone so young that her Throwback Thursday photos are just pictures of her pregnant mom. I'm a dream.