@sixfootcandy: Turn up? At my age, I'm just happy when I can turn over.
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@stephenjmolloy: Karate instructor: Come at me with an attack and I will defend it. Me: You are stupid. Instructor: *holding back tears* I meant physically
@TheToddWilliams: TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going "Band? We thought you said ban" TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?
@crylenol: That ends your training. You're now a GameStop employee. Any questions? "What do I do if a girl comes in" Err *boss scrambles thru manual*
@BlairLoudly: One time I threw my cat at a spider so I could escape, but sure I'd love to hold your baby