@sixfootcandy: Turn up? At my age, I'm just happy when I can turn over.
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@LaziestCanine: [sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette
@SteveSuckington: Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club' 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up
@thenoahkinsey: *phone rings* Yoda: Yoda Luke: WTF VADER'S MY DAD? Y: Uh L: And you knew & told me to kill him? Y: L: Y: Going thru a tunnel I am *hangs up*