@Parentpains: Turn yoga class into hot yoga by chasing everyone around with a blow torch.
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@fluffysuse: My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing
@Fickle_Filly: Terminate an unwanted conversation with someone you haven't seen for years with the words, "Wow. You've aged badly..."