@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.

@jake_lach: 2 hours into dieting] omg I'm so lightheaded

@iwearaonesie: wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] *calls wife* me: Can you bring me a shirt?

@clarkekant: Wondering why we have 50 candidates for Miss America, but only 2 for president. Also, why no swimsuit competition?

@stevevsninjas: 12 Signs You Might Have Leprosy - Number 8 is jaw-dropping!