@MillieMars: Turns out chiropractors aren't actually dinosaurs.
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@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*
@Brampersandon_: GF: What a perfect night ME: It gets better *bends on 1 knee* Will you... GF: OMG yes! ME: *puts Space Jam DVD on her finger* put this in?
@TheRolo: You guys talk about sex like it's so great. I had sex once and she made me take off my jean jacket. Just not worth it.
@JaneSays___: Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone's mouth while they're talking?