@orny_xo: Turns out Chlamydia is much easier to get than it is to spell.
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@sandjoeman: I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana.
@robdelaney: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.
@leshnevsky: - Michelle, we must break up... - Oh, I'll kill myself! - That's a nice bonus. Thank you!