@weinerdog4life: Turns out I wasn't in narnia, I was in my dishwasher high on bath salts
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: I want to fulfill your deepest desire. Me: *gives her recipe for my mom's peach cobbler* The crust is the most important part.
@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.