@weinerdog4life: Turns out I wasn't in narnia, I was in my dishwasher high on bath salts
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@slimmy_shady: Her: "How is it possible for anyone to be an idiot all the freakin time!" Me: "I know, I'm completely exhausted."
@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
@ComedicBust: *First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive.