@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake your death every Monday work catches on.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Brampersandon_: [doing a sexy skype chat] GF: show me urs & I'll show u mine ME: mmm baby I can't wait *we both lower our cams to show each other our dogs*
@Dawn_M_: Not all dogs go to heaven because I just saw two dogs having sex and dogs can't get married. Hope you both enjoy hell.
@Jenn_H_Scott: Me: One day, when you're older, I'm gonna come to your house and ask you for a snack every 5 min and beg you to take me places and buy me stuff constantly 9yo: ...and I'll say no to all of it, just like you do
@psybermonkey: Friend: you've been acting weird ever since you won that hundred dollars Me: what ever do you mean, old sport?