@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake your death every Monday work catches on.
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@whatmaddness: I'm trying to explain to my mother how to get pictures off her phone, while we're on the phone, and everything is awful.
@stephenjmolloy: Jesus: "BRAINS!" *everyone looks scared* Jesus: "Just kidding! I'm fine, I'm fine."
@Bizarro_Mark: My parents haven't called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.
@HollyHeals: Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either.