@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake your death every Monday work catches on.
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@Ideal_Victoria: Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, “That’s her. She’s the one” And not follow it with “who ate cake out of the garbage”
@sixthformpoet: If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the 3rd time I've seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means? Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?