@thejacquio: Turns out if you scream for no reason long enough, you get the rest of the day off from work.
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@blazed_ncis: *going through mail* "bills bills bills bills bills" "I think I'll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine."
@RobertManchild: [company meeting] Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes. Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]
@SaulOdenkirk: Boss: You drink everyday and I think you need an intervention.. Me: I work everyday so I should quit that too? Boss: No.. Me: Good talk