@runawaycupcake: Turns out if you speak with an English accent during an interview it's expected that you'll continue to speak w/accent after you're hired
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@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.
@MarfSalvador: [bakery] me: I want to hide in a cake for my wife's birthday clerk: ok what about this one me: yeah nice nice and she definitely won't find me?
@sadengels: 7 years ago i joined twitter dot com to keep up with one direction on x-factor and now i'm a communist