@nocturnology: Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
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@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, how do you spell Budweiser?" "Uhhh....why?" "I'm drawing a picture of you for school." "Cool! It's spelled G-A-T-O-R-A-D-E."
@awordforaword: "Finish your peas. Kids in China are starving" "Finish your math. Kids in America are cheating off the Asian kids"