@trevorthehuman: Turns out "pick the biggest one & punch him in the face" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher.
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@Fred_Delicious: "so doc... am I dying?" "we're all dying, just at different speeds" "but what about me" "You're like, the Usain Bolt of dying dude lmao"
@BangMyBongo: Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, "Colonel" is the biggest liar of all time
@rickolantern: *buys dog organic, free-range, non-nitrate chicken treats for $7.99, buys self Big Mac
@Hormonella: So Mother Theresa puts a dish towel on her head and she's a "saint" but when I put a dish towel on MY head I'm "drunk in the kitchen again?"