@delusionaliam: Turns out, pounding a wooden stake through a vampire's heart works even if a guy is not a vampire.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Can the baby come out to play? Pregnant wife: No, honey. She's not ready yet. 3-year-old: Wife: 3-year-old: Babies are lazy.
@TheAlexNevil: The Grammy performers prove that no matter age, sex, race, religion or looks, I have no idea who most them are.
@juneohara65: My cat is smarter than I am but I'm brighter than most plants, so I feel like I'm holding my own.
@DannyZuker: My wife CLAIMS to be my best friend but she didn't seemed all that psyched when I bragged about this girl at work I just made out with.