@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left
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@MatCro: GF: I'm moving out if you don't stop pretending you work at a supermarket. ME: Ok. Do you need any help with your packing?
@TheCatWhisprer: Got the dermatologist recommended detergent and dryer sheets and I'm pretty sure it would've been cheaper to just buy a whole new body.
@Abusitron: *runs in out of breath* Friend: what's going on? Me: [heavy breathing] bear with me Friend: Ok *waits* *bear runs in, also out of breath*
@jus4golf: I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who's the idiot now Mom!?