@DistractedMomma: Turns out, telemarketers don't like it when 5 year olds answer the phone and tell them princess Ariel stories.
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@BobTheSuit: Causes of childhood anxiety: 4% Bullying 9% Inability to puncture a Capri Sun pouch 87% Musical Chairs
@WPLGLocal10: Man arrested after accidentally texting probation officer asking if he had any weed
@GeorgiaSweet20: *walks into confessional, closes door and sits down* Me: Alright. Look alive over there, Father, I've had a pretty wild week...