@LackOfShame: Turns out that the best way to find a flat head screw driver is to pretend to look for a phillips one.
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@Elizasoul80: [alien taking notes] Humans: Reluctant to common sense gun control, yet somehow completely overreactive when approached by a bee.
@Cravin4: Me: I don't think Grinding Dory is appropriate for the kids. Wife: I said FINDING DORY & we need to discuss your internet usage.
@ddrwg: All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream.
@Eric_Bader: Got laid twice in two days so either I've done something really good or my wife has done something really bad.