@chuckyhead3: Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman's hat on it is not the button for a free fireman's hat.
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@flashember: PROPHET DANIEL: Behold! the fourth beast had ten eyes and ten horns. Even the horns had eyes KING BELSHAZZAR: do you even hear yourself Dan
@david8hughes: Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on
@stuckinaportal: *wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella
@liv_thatsme: *babysitting* Me (to my 4 year old nephew): I think I heard someone break in; will you go check?