@chuckyhead3: Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman's hat on it is not the button for a free fireman's hat.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts.
@JPHaddadio: When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going.
@plumbur: Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we're camping. With an angry bear close by.
@sixfootcandy: Me: Throw it back. It's too small. Him: Ma'am, this is your child. Me: Fine. Use him as bait.