@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble!
Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble
CW: What was that?
Me: You too
@dubstep4dads: that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute
@NourHadidi: Last weekend, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie tied the knot in a small intimiate ceremony attended by 20 of their closest children.
@Reverend_Scott: [kisses daughter goodnight]
Sleep tight.
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
Um, the Stork.
[stork knocks on bedroom window] He's lying.
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