@trevso_electric: turns out the 'kkk' are not just a group of guys who are very agreeable in their text messages :(
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@DanKCharnley: Don't make me take off my belt because then my pants would fall down and my body looks like an egg on toothpicks.
@ojedge: [1st date] Me: [putting my jacket over my dates shoulders] Her: "Thank you but I'm not cold" Me: [covering her awful dress] "Yes you are"
@TheMichaelRock: We'd probably have a lot less crime if superheroes would stop making movies all the time.
@outsmartedmommy: I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you're wondering it's 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books.