@BigHeb7: I just saw three dudes wearing denim shirts with denim jeans. Who's responsible for this shit? Canada? Was it you, Canada?

@ericonederful: 90% of owning a dog is telling it to stop barking.

@JessiCanadian: Me: Do you have any mini-ipods in stock? Guy: what color? Me: Any color. Guy: We don't have any. You Sir, have achieved stupid greatness.

@fluffysuse: My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing

@brendohare: [evil villain turns around in chair to confront adversary but spins too fast and does two complete revolutions before talking]