@SirEviscerate: The Chopped contestants open their ingredients box, each finding the head of a loved one. Two scream, the third is thinking "bourbon glaze".

@HuttonGray: "YOLNT" -Cats

@ADifGuy: Accidentally pushed the premium gas button and now I'm worried my car is high.

@krautsider: i'm so bad at rock-paper-scissors, last time i accidently joined a street gang.

@claytatum: Owls are just nocturnal pug birds