@bazlyons: Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.
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@chrisrockoz: You only live once, so don't forget to spend 15 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers.
@Maui_Speaks: My wife just told me she read all 1800 of my tweets. I feel like I did when I was 10 and my mom found that magazine under the mattress....
@PaperWash: Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks