@bazlyons: Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.
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@TomTheWicked: Don't blame me. You're the one following a 32 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
@ohheyohhihello: BELLHOP: May I take care of your bags? ME: Of course! BELLHOP: [gently applies seven layers of concealer under my eyes]
@withanewname: [seaworld] "Hey what happened to the new guy?" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 "But there's a shark in tan.." -BINGO!