@PinkCamoTO: "Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
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@david8hughes: [identifying body] Cop: this him? Me: yea Cop: he's burnt pretty bad huh Me: yea Cop: ... Me: ... Cop: prolly get a discount on cremation
@TheTimmyToes: I just want to be rich enough to say "that won't be necessary" when the police go to handcuff me
@TheBoydP: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who sprayed air freshener into my restroom stall...