@iGreenMonk: TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
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@Miltgen: *Job interview* "Im gonna need you to pee in this cup" *hands boss full cup* "Let's start the interview" *boss just sips it the whole time*
@ambamthankyamam: My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English".
@amishschool: Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
@Brentweets: I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him