@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.
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@missekay: Hey guys, remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad? Good times.
@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.
@AbrasiveGhost: [torturing terrorist] [plays EDM] [beat rises] [beat keeps rising] [beat rises endlessly] Terrorist: MAKE IT DROP I'LL TELL U ANYTHING