@SomthinBoutSara: Twas the night before Christmas, all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my vodka martini because it's shaken not stirred
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@robfee: The prequel to 16 & Pregnant could be called "15 & Fully Trusted By Her Parents to Make Good Decisions, We Love You Brittani."
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.
@joeldanger: Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good.