@SomthinBoutSara: Twas the night before Christmas, all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my vodka martini because it's shaken not stirred
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HonestToddler: Toilet won't stop throwing up. I didn't know it was Legos intolerant. SEND HELP THIS IS NOT A DRILL
@Flattliner: The last time Twitter was down I was forced to speak to real people. Real people go on and on and on and on, for way over 140 characters...
@DiamondLou69: Saw a sign that read "Free Coupons". What I want to know is what kind of terrorist would hold coupons captive in the first place?
@quikkim: *Approaches a guy reading "Catch Me If You Can"* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans.