@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors.
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@Tmoney68: "If you gaze long into a bisque, the bisque also gazes into you." - Philosophical soup kitchen chef
@AndyAsAdjective: Did you dream of me, baby? -Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk? No, silly. -Then no.
@Tmoney68: "Can I get a do-over?" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life....
@SondraDeeMe: [in bed] BF: Why are you scared? ME: Cuz your Mom's here BF: She's not bad *Mom hands me pregnancy test* This better be positive by sunrise