@rikpayne: Tweeting and grocery shopping don't mix. I've been down every aisle and just realized all I have in my cart is a cabbage and someone's baby.
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@sixfootcandy: [at the airport] Customs: Do you have any drugs in your bag, Ma'am? Me: Sure. What can I get you?
@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
@Lmao: What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don't want to make something out of my life.
@DawnLovesZombie: Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don't make me have to guess.