@Cpin42: Twelve years ago today, my brother gave me one of his kidneys. I still can’t believe that he did it. I wasn’t even sick.
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@TheAlexNevil: I tried to contact Joan Rivers through my ouija board, and a message came back: "If I wasn't already dead, your outfit would've killed me".
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.
@KalvinMacleod: [buying a USB cord at Best Buy] that'll be $29.99 [buying a USB cord off Amazon] here, take 5 cords for $4.99 and I'll throw in a free horse