@HelmdawgE: Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
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@SteveKoehler22: When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" And she answers "No, who wrote it?" .... Keep moving.
@Mikecanrant: When the UPS guy hands you that pad where you digitally sign your name, you can put anything. Today I put "lame shorts" and nothing happened
@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
@Ristolable: I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"